I’m driving home a few days ago and the idiot(s) were out in force. For those of you that don’t know, I live out in the country but commute to town to work.
Here’s the story. I’m just now calm enough to write it down.
I am headed south on a 5 lane (4 lanes and a turn) road, 35MPH speed limit, in the left lane, running about 55. Yes, I admit freely that I was speeding. There is a Tahoe in the right lane running about 45MPH, yes, they were speeding too. This is where it gets fun. I am passing this dude, in the proper left lane, about a quarter of a mile before a traffic light (which is green). Another quarter mile *PAST* the traffic light the right lane merges into the left and it becomes a 55MPH, 2 lane, state highway.
As I start to pass the dude, he guns it (remember, I’m already going faster than he and it is over 2600 feet before the merge). No. Hell Fucking Goddamn No Fucking Way you are going to try that. Maybe tomorrow, not this fucking day, not with me anyway.
As we pass underneath the green traffic signal, we’re side-by-side running ~65, quickly coming upon the merge. Remember, right lane must yield on this stretch of road. That’s right motherfucker, I gots the right-of-way. The next ~.5 seconds gets weirder. I’m in the left, he’s in the right, we’re running 75MPH at this point……. He has to make a choice. I had already committed to my choice. The right lane ends into a guardrail; he either hits it or hits the brakes. I was willing to sell him my 20 year old piece of shit SUV since i had the right-of-way.
He trys to fake me by coming over, but remember…. I have the right of way. I didn’t move, he does a full ABS brake and falls in behind me. RIGHT ON MY ASS. So, by this time, I’m past pissed, still in control, but way passed pissed. He is so close behind me that I can’t even see his grill in the rear view. What do you kind readers think I should do?
Yep, I fly the middle finger, drop a gear and full brakes. That got his attention. Remember, I still have the right-of-way and if he hits me, I just sold my piece of shit SUV. In the meantime, I open the glove box and fumble around with something (We have gun carry permits in this state). I didn’t have a gun in the vehicle, but no one else knows this.
He backs off about 50 yards, I maintain ~65 and he proceeded along behind me.
I’m a creature of habit. There is a convenience store about 5 more miles down the road that I stop at almost daily to get cigs and beer. Running 60-65, I’ve had about 5 mins to think this situation over. I pull into the store, into my regular parking place and he pulls in too, but didn’t park. He stops parallel to the road about 20 paces away.
I get out of the vehicle, but instead of going into the store, i start walking toward his Tahoe tucking the back of my shirt in (Side Note — I’m not a rip off my shirt and fight kind of guy). I can see him better now. He’s probably got 100 pounds on me and i don’t care. He’s a big fucking bubba with little fucking brain. My intent was to pull him out of his vehicle and have my way with him, but as I reach for the drivers door handle……..
The bastard speeds away.
GODDAMNIT!!!! I only get that mindset once every 10 years and that pussy drives off.